How Not To Make A Birthday Cake (Or The Biggest Cake Fail Ever!)

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Look alright, doesn't it?

However, it looks vastly different to what it was meant to look like. It was meant to look a little like these crafted by my talented friend Jenny from Mummy Mishaps

mummy mishaps cakes

I gathered my ingredients, two sandwich baking tins, two packets of chocolate fingers (white chocolate and milk chocolate) and the packet of red, white, and blue peanut M&Ms to top the cake, and got mixing.

All was going well! The two cakes went in the oven at the lower temperature of 170°C (as instructed by Jenny who told me off for baking them at 200°C), and I set the timer for 25 minutes.

And then I adjusted it for another 15 minutes as the middle was wiggly still.

But opening the door to check it, made it sink in the middle so I ended up with two very concave sponges.

Which fell apart when I tried to get them out of the baking tins.

Literally broke in to five pieces.

And that's five per cake.

Out came the two tubs of chocolate Philadelphia which I was going to use as the filling and frosting, and I started to use them as glue.

Only the cake fell apart as I prodded the 'glue' on it with a knife.

So I bunged the top on quickly, and set to surrounding the outside with chocolate fingers, again using the chocolate Philadelphia as glue.

I ignored the fact that it was lopsided.

Or that the edges were falling off.

Or that the middle was 2 cm lower than the outside.

The chocolate fingers fell off halfway around.

By which time I was quite pissed off, to be blunt. I hacked the bloody thing in half, grabbed the orange ribbon from my last bunch of flowers from Mr. TBaM, wrapped it around the cake and then couldn't fathom out how to hold it in place.

Dressmaking pins, that'll work!

Then the M&Ms were out of date.

BY FIVE MONTHS!

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This is why I make cupcakes.

Happy birthday Mr. TBaM!

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Comments

  1. says

    considering how ill you are i dont think you should beat yourself up – there is no way i could have cooked anything the week before last so i commend you for even attempting to bake a cake.
    i think it looks pretty and as long as it tasted nice that is all that matters and it was cooked with love – i am sure Mr TBAM was chuffed (he better had been or i will beat him up!)
    thank you for being so nice about my cakes x x

  2. says

    It's not a complete disaster! I isn't what it was supposed to be but it turned out pretty awesome =) The last time I strayed from my foolproof cake batter and attempted a chocolate sponge it turned into a giant brown piece of rubber – in taste and texture!

  3. Alli Marshall says

    Chin up Mrs, least you made Mr TBAM a birthday cake which I'm sure he enjoyed.

    It's the thought that counts, so grab yourself another slice & enjoy it.

    I like the idea of using choc philly to hold on the fingers.

  4. says

    I'm sure it was absolutely fine. you said it was dry – bet it wasn't as dry as my cupcakes last weekend, Sam choked on them! nothing that a few seconds in the microwave & some chocolate custard didn't sort though!

  5. says

    That made me laugh, I always think of you as a domestic goddess and cooking queen! I have the odd disaster like that but never thought to blog them, worth it for entertainment value! I have Theo's cake cooling on a rack right now for tomorrow, It took so long to cook in the middle I fear the edge could be like cardboard, I will be gluing to cover up my mistakes too! I think your cover up looks fab and well done for letting us all in on the behind the scenes.

  6. says

    why is it when you just make a sponge for making sake it turns out fab. when you make it cos you want it for something special it doesnt come out quite the way you envisage? Thanks for being brave enough to make a lot of us feel better knowing we are not the only ones.

  7. says

    Aw dude! That sucks! Whenever my cakes go wrong I mix the up with the frosting (or philly, or whatever) and make cake pops. Hides a multitude of badly baked cakes!

  8. says

    All my cakes are epic fails so there is only he thing about this post that surprises me – it is possible to have M&ms hanging around your house for so long they go out of date. Wow

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