This week Kate literally Takes Five, while Keith takes over. Chronicles of a Reluctant Housedad (one of my favourite recent finds) is caretaking the Listography this week and has launched onto the scene with a cracker:Top Five Finals.
His own Listography sets the scene of his finale moments inspired by the recent non-event that was 'The Rapture'. A few others have also shared their final five things they'd do before kicking the bucket but I'm going for something different.
I'm a little bit fiery in temperament. I like to blame it on being a Leo, using Astrology as a get-out-of-jail-free card works with some people. However in reality, it's because I'm short-tempered. So this is my:
Top Five Final Straws
1) There is nothing more likely to make the kettle boil than insolence. Specifically answering back. In school I remain as cool as a cucumber while inwardly I am strangling the little blighter. They get the raised eyebrow and lose their break-time.
2) Eye-rolling. Very much linked to the last one. If you want me to gouge your eyes out, that is the way to ensure it happens. Although I am unlikely to because it is a) icky and b) illegal.
3) Parking in the wrong space. Are you disabled? Are you?! No? THEN MOVE! I'm sorry but do you have an infant with you? What do you mean there were no spaces left in the disabled bays!! Teenagers do not count as children in this case! And while I'm at it: if you leave your children in the car with your partner and they are not getting out of the vehicle, then you don't need the space!
4) If you want me to move my trolley so that you can get your natural, live Greek yoghurt with pre and probiotics then say the magic words "excuse me please". Otherwise I will not move! And I will say something to you if you roll your eyes at my husband behind his back you ignorant woman! (Yes this happened earlier in Tesco's, she was virtually climbing on his back she was leaning so close).
However all of these things mean that I must not allow myself to lose my temper. I am a 30 something mother who needs to set a good example to The Boy. But most of all because the last time it was the final straw…
5) I threw a cheap Ikea glass across the kitchen floor. It bounced across the ceramic tiles breaking four of them and came to a rest against the fridge. Undamaged.
This has been brought to you by a woman on the edge following a shopping trip to Tesco's on a Bank Holiday Sunday.