Top Five Finals

This week Kate literally Takes Five, while Keith takes over. Chronicles of a Reluctant Housedad (one of my favourite recent finds) is caretaking the Listography this week and has launched onto the scene with a cracker:Top Five Finals.

His own Listography sets the scene of his finale moments inspired by the recent non-event that was 'The Rapture'. A few others have also shared their final five things they'd do before kicking the bucket but I'm going for something different.

I'm a little bit fiery in temperament. I like to blame it on being a Leo, using Astrology as a get-out-of-jail-free card works with some people. However in reality, it's because I'm short-tempered. So this is my:

Top Five Final Straws

1) There is nothing more likely to make the kettle boil than insolence. Specifically answering back. In school I remain as cool as a cucumber while inwardly I am strangling the little blighter. They get the raised eyebrow and lose their break-time.
2) Eye-rolling. Very much linked to the last one. If you want me to gouge your eyes out, that is the way to ensure it happens. Although I am unlikely to because it is a) icky and b) illegal.
3) Parking in the wrong space. Are you disabled? Are you?! No? THEN MOVE! I'm sorry but do you have an infant with you? What do you mean there were no spaces left in the disabled bays!! Teenagers do not count as children in this case! And while I'm at it: if you leave your children in the car with your partner and they are not getting out of the vehicle, then you don't need the space!
4) If you want me to move my trolley so that you can get your natural, live Greek yoghurt with pre and probiotics then say the magic words "excuse me please". Otherwise I will not move! And I will say something to you if you roll your eyes at my husband behind his back you ignorant woman! (Yes this happened earlier in Tesco's, she was virtually climbing on his back she was leaning so close).

However all of these things mean that I must not allow myself to lose my temper. I am a 30 something mother who needs to set a good example to The Boy. But most of all because the last time it was the final straw…

5) I threw a cheap Ikea glass across the kitchen floor. It bounced across the ceramic tiles breaking four of them and came to a rest against the fridge. Undamaged.

This has been brought to you by a woman on the edge following a shopping trip to Tesco's on a Bank Holiday Sunday.

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Comments

  1. says

    Hahahahah. Brilliant take on the Finals theme. Glorious rant. I can feel the volcano in you about to blow. (Apologies if I'm not supposed to find it funny, but it did make me smile :)

  2. says

    Agree with everything Reluctant Housedad said.
    And wow to the glass not breaking but the tiles instead!! Oops!

    (I laughed quite loudly at number two, sorry)

  3. says

    briliant take on it, I can see it happening now…
    My biggest rant is on the school run, those mums that just park up where it suits them, off load their kids, so they can beetle off, leaving a queue forming behind them, with running-late mums (like myself) fuming, waiting for them to budge so we can get in the car park – selfish driving, lack of awareness I call it. Hugely annoying…

  4. says

    Really funny.
    I'm an Aries and I have a wicked temper.

    If I hold open a door and they do not say anything, I loudly say 'Thank you' in a very sarcastic voice.

    I have two stepsons (6 & 10) as well as my son, last time we had a day out they were a little excitable in the shopping precinct. A lady muttered something about my OH not being able to control children not realising I was there. She got it guns blazing, fun police. They weren't that bad.

    Wilkinsons last week, someone chunnering about not being able to get past buggy. She got a enquiring, ' Where would you like me to go' Stupid woman.

    Kids dropping rubbish outside – Mrs Mangle storms outside to get them to pick it up.

    Threw something yesterday actually. Ooops. Just the Sky remote though.

  5. says

    Today we went to Focus. We parked in a parent child space. Once we got back to the car the people next to us, who arrived after we did, were loading their car. No child in the back or front. Instead was a DOG!
    A bloody dog!!!

  6. says

    great list, can totally relate to that! Unfortunately I don't have so much luck with the cheap Ikea glasses, I'm always breaking them…often when I get annoyed though it's the OH's shirts that get it – I have pleasure in scrumpling them up after I know he spent hours ironing them….shh don't tell him, he never notices!
    I will try & keep Sam away from you or you might end up strangling him or gouging his eyes out!
    x

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